Today is Valentine's Day. I could feel the pain from hundreds of thousands of people struggling with relationship problems. Particularly, in this note, I want to focus on the problem of behavioral change. You want to change your partner/brother/father/boss/co-worker. But you have had no success. You go to a counselor, and he says that you can change only yourself and not others. He advises you to change yourself. Yes, it's good advice. You must change yourself.

However, you are locked up in situations that you can't simply walk away from the relationship. For instance, you can't divorce your spouse or leave your job because the boss is impossible or abandon your son/daughter because the kid has gone into drugs.

I want to emphasize that behavioral problems need to be dealt with not at the symptom level, but at the causal level. Behavior is the manifestation of a cause, which is invisible. You get up in the morning. You want to make sure that you don't even see your spouse's/father's/mother's/children's face. You want to avoid them. But it so happens that you end up seeing them. Before your mind responds, your body and 'heart' responds. You are irritated and annoyed. Both of you exchange dirty looks, although outwardly you pretend to be acceptable and kind.

Your body is more authentic than your formal behavior. Everyone is psychic and knows what the other person thinks. Always follow your gut feelings. They speak the truth. You may ask me, "What if my gut's feelings say negative things always?"

These are two answers for this question. Check if you are by nature negative. Do a self-analysis of your own behavior. Secondly, the fault may be largely the other person's.

I want to talk about some specific situations. You got into a relationship. For a few years, everything was rosy, but now you completely hate it. However, you don't want to leave and start another nightmare. You say to yourself, if possible, I want to change this nightmare into a sweet dream. How do I do it? You may go into analyzing what caused the new scenario. Maybe if there is a change in the finances/careers/social situations/new people in your life, something will shift. One or many of these categories may be contributing to the relationship failure. It is important that you analyze these factors.

But most importantly, look at your planets that govern your relationship with your mother/father/siblings/spouse. Working with the planets is more productive because the planets are the cause for your symptoms.

Please read and re-read the various Valentine newsletter essays in their entirety up on the website. The one entitled Valentine Problems contains links to pictures of some very relevant planetary beings and the celestial god/goddess for those planets. I encourage you to experiment with lighting a candle before the pictures and doing 108 of the mantras with the Shiva-Shakti mala beads. These are God-given tools. I encourage you to try them out!